Summer '09

Summer. Let me just say that summer has been a little less than i expected it to be. I was expecting my maturity and growth to continue; but i was obviously very wrong. Instead I feel that not only have i become the girl who left for college, but now i have gained a whole new set of problems that brought me to the state in which i am at now: confused, irritated, disappointed, and ultimately unhappy. I wish i could go back to the days where being carefree was actually CAREFREE. Ugh. i'm beyond frustrated. I need to focus on something and hopefully pull things back together. Is there anyone who out there that hears me? i didn't think so...

Frustration

So last night I went to a party.

& I lost my phone.

The worst part about losing a phone is the fact that you know that your not going to get all your numbers back. You know those people from back home that you don't really talk to that much in college but when you go home you call them to hang out. Or those family members that you don't want to talk to but you cant screen the call because you have no idea who it is. I'm so upset and angry at myself. I haven't lost a phone in forever!

The only good part about this story is that I went to the T-Mobile store today and bought a new SIM Card, and two my surprise I received two free accessories. So I got my friend a new skin and myself a new skin for when I get my new phone. So I guess you can say things really aren't that bad... Until some guy who I met at a party calls me and I have to pretend that I have the swine flu so he wont call me back...

reality check

tattoo.

Okay, so yesterday I got my first tattoo. I've been wanting this tattoo for a long time and yesterday I finally got it. The only problem is that I hate it! I despise it! I cant stand it! I want tattoo removal!!!

Don't get me wrong, I like the actual tattoo. I think its pretty and it means a lot to me; but it was a big mistake putting it in the place in which it is and the size it too large. I made a mistake. And now I have to live with it. I mean there are worst things that could happen, but this feels like the biggest thing in the world right now!!

Back to School.

So my break is over. I don't know if i'm happy or not about this. I mean i did have a great time sleeping all day, listening to music, catching up on my shows, bullshitting; but its been fun seeing everyone and feeling independent again. There's just something about doing my own thing that makes me feel good. You know?

stupidity....

UGHHHHHH!!

im so stupid. i always allow myself to get played. i am so naive; y cant i control it?? why cant i predict the future? why cant i go through life without pain? why does it seem like everyone is out to get me? why cant i trust people?? if people felt the same way that i do, then wouldnt they treat me with respect? so then i guess this means that people dont feel the same way as me. so then i guess that means that im unique. so then i guess that means that we do have purpose. so then that means that i just might be okay. so then why do i still feel like shit?

easter.

well; i cant actually remember ever celebrating easter even though i`m sure i have. i`m awake at 6:50 in the morning; making easter my least favorite holiday right about now. church is going to be so funny when everyone is all dressed up and the little girls are wearing their dresses. its going to be so funny; especially since im wearing a v-neck and jeans. hahahaha; im not changing.